I have little understanding of depression. It is all around me. Most of my family suffers from a form of depression or other mental illness. It is something that we don't really talk about, or acknowledge. I find that it truly horrifies me that someday my time is coming, that I will too be a depressed individual.
I have watched some of them tear apart their own family, violently attack each other, and hurt each other beyond repair with words. It is so heart wrenching.
Depression is treatable, but how do you get some one to go into treatment when they have no clue they are even sick?
I have reached out to them. I have held them when they are crying, helped them to dress themselves when they didn't want to get out of bed. I have joined in their laughter on the good days, and talked to them while they were seemingly calm. I knew all the while the mood changes were imminent, they always had been. Sweet one minute, completely out of control the next. I have listened to their endless droning on about how they were sure their spouse was cheating on them, but they knew that they could never leave them because they were afraid they would be murdered.
(The paranoid side is one I will never understand)
What is the most astounding is that depression can warp the mind so badly that a person can feel that they are not loved. They cannot love themselves the way they deserve to be loved, and they do not feel worthy of others love
I have a curiosity that can not be controlled about the disease of the mind. I thought very hard about pursuing a degree in psychology and I still may but I am scared to figure out their minds, I know once I have a better understanding of it that I will be that one person screaming at them that they are bi-polar, schizophrenic, utterly depressed, they need to go to counseling etc...
Or I could go to the extreme opposite and just sit back and watch them self destruct one day at a time. (not on my watch)
I watched my best friend go through this. She was the most self destructive person I know. It was nothing but fighting with her family day in and day out, she had a cleaning OCD that was out of control, She lost an astounding amount of weight in a little under a year, reminded me of a bobble head. Her moods were never normal, it was either one extreme or the other and the worst part about it is she drank to drown her sorrows. I was living with her for a while and we always had breakfast and our coffee together every morning. I had just Poured myself a cup and realized she was probably up in her room still sleeping so I grabbed her a cup too and headed up the stairs hollering out her name with no answer. I knocked on the door for her to let me in. Still no answer. I opened the door and saw the bed was made and she was no where to be found. She had the decency to leave a note though, talking about how she couldn't be a burden to her family anymore and that she was leaving not sure if she would be back. To give her love to the kids.
That was the final straw for me, I had watched her suffer and supported her defending her against her family for years. I thought to myself I will not speak to her again until she gets healthy. I had discussed it with her family, We had, had many discussions in the following weeks. All about her, about how to get her healthy. In the end we had her committed so she could get the help she deserved, she has continually had counseling and was diagnosed with a slight bi polar disorder, she discovered herself as the beautiful, loving woman that she is and she has forgiven herself and has moved on to be be the rock of our family. I am so proud of her. The whole family is.
I have written this hoping that some kind of dialogue can be opened. I hope that we can be moved to help everyone who suffers from depression. That we can all have the happy ending we all deserve. Maybe one day I will go get that degree, So I can help those lost individuals that need help so badly and do not know where to go. There is always help!! You are loved and you deserve to be loved.
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