Crawling, everything is edible, broken toys and you are so mean mommy's

This is about Jack:
OUR PUPPY WHO IS ALMOST A YEAR OLD. THIS DOG MAKING IT TO THE FIRST YEAR IS A HUGE MIRACLE CONSIDERING MY PATIENCE AND HIS ABILITY TO JUST PISS ME OFF!!!
 It is a complete miracle that this stupid dog is alive right now. I say stupid lightly because this dog is anything but stupid.

Ahem, attn little Jack,the only dog I know that can  eat a pound of Bakers chocolate, then continue to gorge  himself on food and water, and puke all over the in-laws carpeted rooms, and couches, yes it was multiple rooms and couches like two.

  OH yeah not to mention the shitting everywhere for three days before Christmas!!!  I think the dog needs Jesus at this point, only a miracle can stop me from considering sending him to another permanent home far far away!!!

He also likes to run down the road to the neighbor ladys house, because she has a pretty chocolate lab that he can play with, and I think she feeds him. He is going to get us a ticket for being a chronic runaway. We can be playing with him in the backyard and he will stop dead in his tracks and run the fuck away to the neighbors, and no matter if we say stop Jack, come Jack, or follow him to the neighbors he runnnnnnns as fast as he can. Because he is smart, he knows when he comes home we're gonna be like good boy for coming home Jack when what we should do is send him the fuck somewhere else. The asshole. For running the fuck away again!!

Sorry for all the cuss words. Its either that or I explode on the dog. At this moment he better be sleeping.

I love him I really do. He is a very sweet mannered, laid back dog in the house inside he listens so well. But once he gets outside he's like bye, gotta go for a run to the neighbors. So this is what we are going to do. Even though we have never done it before, he is going to get trained by a shock collar. Not to be mean but to show him that if he hits the edge of the yard he will be warned twice with a beeping sound before being zapped mildly. If that doesnt work to keep him in the yard. He will be saying goodbye to our family. I cant stand a dog that wont listen.